So apparently, I missed one too many IWSG posts and was cut from the list. Oops. And I'm sorry about that—about missing posts, I mean. If you came here looking for an IWSG post only to not find one, I apologize. It wasn't my intention. I've since re-added myself to the list and shall try my very best to do better this time around.
Anyway, let's move on to today's topic.
In which I freak out. (Again.)
If you follow the occasionally lucid ramblings of this blog on a semi-regular basis, you may know that I have recently started what are supposed to be Effigy's final edits. I started them yesterday and got through about fifty pages or so—leaving me with just four hundred something pages more—before I had to go about doing other things. (Damn you, day job!)
All things considered, the edits are going pretty well. I mean, I am completely and totally embarrassed—not to mention ashamed—by how many stupid, stupid mistakes I made (proving that a quality proofreader is VITAL!) and should probably be sitting on a stool in the corner wearing a dunce cap on my head, but the part where I correct all of the stupid, stupid mistakes I made is going well. I spent minimal time on Facebook (only two visits) and Twitter (just one visit at the beginning). I only played a couple of Solitaire games and skipped Minesweeper all together. I took a short break somewhere in the middle of the editing session to start a load on laundry and play with my poor, kind-of-neglected-when-I'm-writing (but NOT in a 'call the ASPCA' kind of way, please and thank you) puppies. And then I went back to work. I didn't make excuses. I didn't waste time surfing the 'net. I didn't procrastinate very much at all. I just...did the work.
Which is possibly a sign of the impending apocalypse.
Or possibly not.
So you may be asking yourself what exactly it is that I'm freaking out over. These are final edits, and they're going well—isn't that a good thing? And I suppose it is, but me being me, I'm worried about the fact that they are going well.
Surely that's a sign of the apocalypse.
I mean, nothing on this publishing quest of mine has gone according to plan. Nothing. It's like my publishing quest was cobbled together out of deleted Monty Python and the Holy Grail scenes or something, and I should be out building a large wooden wolverine right now. But instead, things are going well. Not just the editing thing, either, but other things, too. Things are falling into place, and ducks are getting into these nice, neat rows—and it's freaking me out. There's been a momentum shift and, suddenly, publication doesn't appear to be so unobtainable. And I'm supposed to just accept it? Trust it? Yeah right. Where have I heard this one before?
That's right. I know better. You can't lull me into complacency. I know I'm going to screw something else up that'll make this whole house of cards thing (hey, how many more metaphors can I throw into this mix? Place your bets below!) come crashing down. I'm on to you, Lucy. So don't bother trying to trick me because it won't work. Not this time. You can kick your own damn football, 'cause I ain't falling for that again.
Except for the part where I will totally do just that. Because that's what I do. Hmm. I guess that means there's only one thing for me to do now.
Quit**.
Or, possibly, this:
Thanks for stopping by today. It's always appreciated!
*—In case you were curious, the title of today's post should be read in Jim Carrey's voice from the movie Liar, Liar. There's a scene toward the end where he's in the courthouse bathroom beating himself up and someone comes in and asks him what he's doing. Jim Carrey responds, "I'm kicking my ass! Do you mind?" If you haven't seen it and would like to, it can be found on YouTube here.
**—That's just a joke. I'm not quitting. I will never quit. I imagine that some day I will be 90 years old and writing a post on this blog on January 1st, stating how this year will be the year I finally publish Effigy. I'll go on to say how I know I said that the last fifty something years, but this year I really mean it. So, just to recap, not quitting. Just making a hi-larious joke.