The title probably doesn't require me to offer you any further explanation except that yeah, I'm a writer and an insomniac and more than a little crazy. But you probably knew that already.
At the very least, I hope it makes you laugh...
§§§
Well, it's 1:30 in the morning and I'm not sleeping.
This shouldn't be a big deal. I am, after all, a frakking insomniac and not sleeping is kind of the definition of being an insomniac, frakking or otherwise.
But tonight (this morning?) it irritates me because I really want to be sleeping. I am tired. I am so frakking tired but I can't stop thinking. And I keep thinking these thoughts in a big endless loop.
So since I can't sleep, I thought I'd post the thoughts running rampant through my head. You know, the thoughts that are keeping me awake. Seen here in the order in which they run:
—My eldest niece graduated from high school yesterday. I am immensely proud of her for doing so. Even if seeing her in her cap and gown did make me feel über old. Congratulations, hon.
—Pomp and Circumstance followed by a rendition of my high school's school song. (Yes, I still know it)
—I had not one, but two, beta readers make it all the way through my book. If you know my sad, sad history with beta readers, you know what an exciting development this is for me on its own. It's made even better when neither of them came back saying, "Yeah, you should probably give up the writing thing in favor of flipping burgers."
—Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun. (complete with hand jive. For real.)
—Of course, it would seem that I have, once again, frakked up not insignificant portions of the book (dear betas, please note I am not frustrated with you. Just me. You did what you were supposed to do and in splendid fashion. I thank you from the bottom of my heart). How many rewrites will it make for me to stop frakking up this story? My characters, perhaps, deserve a better author.
—This conversation I had with The Man:
Him: What are we doing for dinner tonight?
Me: (taking mental inventory of all the food NOT in the house) Cheese and crackers? (opens cupboard) Cheese? (opens refrigerator) Take out?
—I don't want to do another major rewrite. Do I have to do another major rewrite? I mean, how major of a rewrite do I really need?
—I am the very model of a modern major general. I've information vegetable, animal and mineral. I know the kings of England and I quote the fights historical from Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical. I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical, I understand equations both the simple and quadratical. About binomial theorem, I'm teeming with a lot o' news with many cheerful fact about the square of the hypotenuse...
—Am I going to make my deadline?
—Crap. If I go through with this whole publishing thing, I'm going to have to write a blurb for the back of the book. Could I just write "Hey, buy this book. Every copy I sell gets me that much closer to quitting my day job!"
—And I need a job, so I want to be a paperback writer, paperback writer...
—Crap. If I publish Effigy, that means I'm going to have to work out the plot problems I'm having with Second Nature.
—Why is it only midnight? Why isn't it later?
—Maybe I don't want to publish a book after all.
—I like traffic lights, I like traffic lights but not when they are red.
—Of course you want to publish a book. What else are you going to do with yourself? Precision fold denim for the rest of your life?
—I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay. I sleep all night and I work all day!
—I'm a writer and I'm okay. I lie awake all night and I play solitaire all day!
—My eldest niece graduated from high school yesterday. I am immensely proud of her for doing so. Even if seeing her in her cap and gown did make me feel über old. Congratulations, hon.
—Pomp and Circumstance followed by a rendition of my high school's school song.
—Hey look, kids! There's Big Ben!
And so on and so forth... you get the idea.
§§§
It's not a pretty scene in my head, I know. I'm sorry to have subjected you to it. We'll be back on track (maybe) tomorrow. Until then, cheers!